When you audition you can only be so prepared. You get 32 bars, one monologue, and one outfit choice. Auditioning can be very scary. Why is that? You’re presenting all your hard work to people sitting behind a table. Their whole job is to judge your skills. While it is good to keep in mind they are on your side, that table doesn’t always make it feel that way.
This past September I auditioned to be in The Little Mermaid at a performing arts school. I hadn’t tried out for a musical in years or really done any musical theatre, for that matter. I had no idea what to expect.
I remember when my mom told me I had this potential opportunity; I had been praying for a chance like this for years. The amount of joy I felt was indescribable! I would be going to a performing arts school!
Finally, the day of the audition came. Lucky for me I had a friend auditioning as well, which really helped put my nerves at ease. Sitting in a big circle with the other auditionees, I realized I would be going 4th. No worries, right? The sooner it’s over the better. (I decided to ignore the fact everyone would be watching, not just the two directors, but also my mom and dad from the live feed.) When my time came, I confidently walked up and sang my song. After I left, I knew I messed up a couple things: I had never sung with an accompanist before, so my tempo was a little quicker due-to nerves, and my voice was a little shaky on the big finishing note. Although it wasn’t perfect, I still felt good about the audition and figured there was no reason to beat myself up about something I couldn’t change.
A week later I was sitting in church when the cast list email came out. I know I should’ve been paying attention, but I couldn’t help it! I had to see who I got! I opened the email searching for my name. At last, I found it… and then my stomach dropped…I was put in the ensemble.
The ensemble is incredibly important, and performances would be a little awkward without them. If you get ensemble, you should be extremely proud of yourself! That being said…when you’re expecting to get a role as one of the main cast members, it can be really disheartening when that doesn’t happen. It’s okay to be upset. What’s not okay is to let Satan use it as an opportunity to change your identity.
Our identity is found in Christ and Christ alone. He tells us we are loved and wonderfully made. (Psalms 139:14) That doesn’t change just because you didn’t book the role.
It is important to continuously grow and learn how you can be better but do so with grace for yourself. No one is perfect and I don’t think there is such a thing as a “perfect” audition.
Instead of securing myself in what God says about me, I started to listen to Satan’s lies. I went down a spiral of how I wasn’t good enough, should’ve done better, and even started to become bitter. I began thinking, “I’m better than them; I should have gotten the role; They aren’t even that good; I deserve it, because they don’t work as hard as me.”
God’s word teaches us to always walk humbly, which clearly, I was failing miserably at. Satan wanted me to believe I was better than my other cast mates so I would stay bitter instead of reflecting God’s character. He wanted to convince me I wasn’t good enough and completely unequipped to do what God has called me to do. Remember that nothing true comes from Satan. John 8:44 says, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”
God’s word teaches us we can’t believe anything Satan says, so why would we believe the devil’s lies? God never calls us to something we can’t do. He equips us with all we need to carry out his will. A “no” from God doesn’t always mean forever. Sometimes his “no” is a “not yet” or “I have something better for you.”
A couple weeks later I found out the school was putting on a production of Clue on Stage. I was so excited!! Don’t get me wrong, I love musicals, however, plays have a special place in my heart. I decided to audition, but this time I surrendered it to God and asked his will to be done. I decided no matter the outcome I would have peace knowing who I am in Christ and that my identity does not come from what role I get.
I was feeling confident about my audition and of course, I had to celebrate with a post-rehearsal donut (a tradition I have since continued.) A couple days later the cast email was released…admittedly I was a little anxious. I wondered if the results would be the same, and I would never get to play the sassy Miss Scarlet. I asked God for peace in the situation and immediately felt it wash over me. Finally, I worked up the courage to open it and…
Soon the rehearsals began, and for the next few months I enjoyed bringing to life the ever-so-sassy Miss Scarlet. It was such a fun role that I would’ve never gotten to play if God hadn’t placed me in the ensemble for The Little Mermaid. I made a lot of good friends and I now have memories I will hold close to my heart forever. This experience reminded me of Romans 8:18, telling us of how the pain we feel in the moment is nothing compared to the joy that will come in the morning.
Not all rejection will end with a better role, but trust God knows what roles you need to be in and the ones you don’t. He knows your desires. Rest in the truth God is working all things for your good.
If I had continued to be bitter, I would’ve never known the better that God had for me. Yes, it hurts not getting a role, but we are supposed to be a light and uplift one another. One of the best things about theatre is the community, so don’t let the role keep you from connecting with people. I found some of my best friends through The Little Mermaid, and I’m grateful God taught me this lesson. Now when I don’t book something I lay it at his feet and trust in who he says I am.
It is not the role you book that defines you, but the one who created you.
Verses to dive into this week:
Psalms 139:14
Romans 8:18
Micah 6:8
Ephesians 4:31
Salt and the Spotlight 
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